I had dinner with my friends last night. It's funny how the time just went by so fast that now we're not students anymore. We all had our own job and earn our own money. We can buy stuffs we want... although not really for me. I can't actually buy all stuffs I want. It's never easy for me specially that among the three of us, I have the lowest salary rate. And honestly, I have to admit this, I've never been this jealous all my life.
You see, my envy to those people who can easily afford to buy those material things this world can offer just grew bigger. And I have always admitted it to myself that I am jealous... very jealous of them. I know material things are not the only reason to be happy. Sometimes it even makes me wonder of what's wrong with my life? Even taxi drivers and those who earn less than mine own nicer gadgets. I sometimes feel so a shame of myself and feel so little in a crowd. I feel so insignificant.
I kept asking myself, why? Why don't I own a nice pair of shoes, expensive dresses and latest gadgets? Why I wasn't at other people's shoe? So a lot of whys... and later did I realize that everything I'm thinking was so wrong from the start.
I know for myself that I could buy those stuffs, only that those were not the things I really wanted, what my heart really wanted. God knows... he's been with me. I wasn't even saving to buy things... I was saving to travel somewhere God needed my presence. Yes, I was jealous for nothing. For me, those memories of serving HIM is beyond compare. It will live in me forever, unlike those material things that depreciates so fast with time. But memories accumulates... its never gonna be impaired. It will always stay with me, in my mind and in my heart.
I confess I was jealous... but I've learned my mistake. This worldly things might give me joy, but it will all be temporary. God never failed me in my decisions. He always has the answer to all my doubts. Now I declare to not be taken with all the material things, they will just come to me at the right time. I will let my Faith be Bigger than this jealousy I feel. I will wait and trust HIM cause He know, what my hearts true desires are.
You see, my envy to those people who can easily afford to buy those material things this world can offer just grew bigger. And I have always admitted it to myself that I am jealous... very jealous of them. I know material things are not the only reason to be happy. Sometimes it even makes me wonder of what's wrong with my life? Even taxi drivers and those who earn less than mine own nicer gadgets. I sometimes feel so a shame of myself and feel so little in a crowd. I feel so insignificant.
I kept asking myself, why? Why don't I own a nice pair of shoes, expensive dresses and latest gadgets? Why I wasn't at other people's shoe? So a lot of whys... and later did I realize that everything I'm thinking was so wrong from the start.
I know for myself that I could buy those stuffs, only that those were not the things I really wanted, what my heart really wanted. God knows... he's been with me. I wasn't even saving to buy things... I was saving to travel somewhere God needed my presence. Yes, I was jealous for nothing. For me, those memories of serving HIM is beyond compare. It will live in me forever, unlike those material things that depreciates so fast with time. But memories accumulates... its never gonna be impaired. It will always stay with me, in my mind and in my heart.
I confess I was jealous... but I've learned my mistake. This worldly things might give me joy, but it will all be temporary. God never failed me in my decisions. He always has the answer to all my doubts. Now I declare to not be taken with all the material things, they will just come to me at the right time. I will let my Faith be Bigger than this jealousy I feel. I will wait and trust HIM cause He know, what my hearts true desires are.
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